


In Veracity

by purewanderlust



Series: Interaction 'Verse [4]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Gen, Genocide, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Starvation, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 04:59:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7787620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purewanderlust/pseuds/purewanderlust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Have you ever been hungry, Bones?”<br/>McCoy blinked. He crossed the room and sat down next to him. “What?”<br/>“I mean, like, really hungry?”</p>
<p>Jim's reaction to a tough mission brings new information to light...but Bones isn't going anywhere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Veracity

**Author's Note:**

> This one is set between "In Peril" and Star Trek Beyond, no spoilers.
> 
> Please be aware that this fic discusses Tarsus IV in some depth, and therefore necessarily has mentions of genocide, starvation, and torture. There is also a brief scene dealing with some unspecified eating disorders.

Leonard was generally the last one aboard the Enterprise to complain about a lack of action. Quiet days meant no heart palpitations every time a landing party beamed down to explore a new and terrifying planet. When things were uneventful, the only horror the doctor had to deal with was the vast black that surrounded their tin can at all times, and the occasional cold or cough.

But the day had finally come that even Leonard thought things had been too uneventful. It had been three weeks since they'd seen so much as an asteroid, much less a planet and, needless to say, cabin fever was hitting the crew hard. Some of the recent medical reports bordered on surreal; just two days ago, McCoy had been forced to explain in paperwork that Chekov and Sulu had injured themselves in a cutlery fight over who got to use the food replicator first.

Of course, where there was trouble, there was James Tiberius Kirk. Jim was bored out of his mind and he was taking it out on Leonard, finding new and interesting ways to get injured even within the confines of the ship.

“Booooooones, I am bored out of my mind,” Jim said, slamming his hands down on the top of the doctor's desk. “Come to the rec room with me.”

“Can't right now, Jim,” answered McCoy without looking up.

“Why not?” came the predictably petulant reply.

“Because some idiot burned his hand on a core gasket down in engineering yesterday and now I have to write up an incident report.” Leonard looked up just in time to see the captain rub a thumb self-consciously across his left palm, the pinking scar barely visible after McCoy had gone after it with the dermal regenerator.

Jim, as usual, ignored his pointed glare. “Bones, it's not my fault there’s nothing to do around here!”

Leonard tsked and went back to his PADD. “Something'll come up, kid. Always does.” Immediately on the tail-end of his speech, the intercom whistled.

_ “Captain, Lieutenant Uhura here. You're needed on the bridge, we've got an incoming message from Starfleet command.” _

“On my way Lieutenant, thank you.” Jim answered, grinning like a child. McCoy bit there inside of his cheek to keep from smiling back. “Oh my god, Bones, you didn't tell me you could tell the future!”

Leonard crooked an eyebrow at him. “Oh yeah, I'm a regular prophet. You gonna go see what it's about or what?”

Jim smirked, glancing up through his eyelashes in that obnoxious way of his. McCoy bit his cheek again, tasted blood. “Why, Bones, did you want to come with?” 

He did. Not that he was gonna admit it. Leonard heaved a huge sigh and pushed his chair back from his desk. “I'm only agreeing to this because I know you won't take no for an answer,” he warned, preempting any commentary from the captain.

Jim flashed him that blinding grin again and clapped him on the shoulder. “Let's go!”

 

*

 

Twenty minutes later, Jim wasn't smiling anymore.

“Captain Kirk, Starfleet has received a distress signal from Ajilon Prime. The planet has recently experienced an unseasonable sandstorm that has completely decimated their crops,” the admiral explained, expression grave. “The planet is experiencing severe famine and we need to get supplies to them immediately. Your ship is nearest.”

“How long since the distress call, Admiral?” Kirk asked, brow furrowed.

“Two days,” answered the admiral. “Stop at the starbase in your quadrant for supplies and then head on to Ajilon Prime. It seems that they reported the food shortage immediately, but it is still imperative that you make as much haste as possi--”

“Yes sir,” Jim cut him off and McCoy saw Spock's eyebrow quirk at the interruption. “We'll do everything in our power to assist the colony. Kirk out.”

“Captain…” Spock said as soon as he disconnected the transmission, and Leonard could hear the reproach in his voice, though expression remained impassive.

“Mr. Spock,” Jim replied, “Tell me about the planet. I wanna know what we're getting ourselves into.”

There was a pregnant pause and for a moment McCoy wondered if the Vulcan was going to lose his legendary composure. He remembered all too well the last time Jim had caused the First Officer to snap. But Spock just folded his hands and answered the question.

“Ajilon Prime is the only class-M planet in its system, and the colony is made up of humans and Bolians. They were only recently inducted into the Federation, and most of their technological capabilities are somewhat limited. There are approximately 5000 colonists planetside.”

Jim nodded, a short, sharp jerk off his head. “Mr. Sulu, set course for the starbase, warp speed. Mr. Spock, you have the conn.” Before Leonard could even blink, the turbolift doors were swooshing open and closed behind the captain.

Spock and McCoy exchanged a glance. The Vulcan inclined his head slightly and the doctor nodded. He didn't spare a thought about the fact that he and the First Officer had apparently gotten friendly enough to have developed a method of non-verbal communication, he just did what came naturally, and followed Jim.

 

*

 

Leonard found Jim on the nearest observation deck. He glanced briefly out at the stars and grimaced. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Jim echoed without turning away from the window. McCoy hesitated in the doorway, struck by the image of James Kirk against the backdrop of the black--a point of light in the night sky; brighter, it seemed, than all the stars behind him.

Leonard shook himself mentally, cursing whatever poetic bullshit his brain was trying to spew. He scowled at his friend, though the effort was wasted on the eye-contact withholding son of a bitch.

“So, uh, you seem kinda agitated about somethin’, kid.”

Kirk still didn't look at him and Leonard was torn between annoyance and concern. “Have you ever been hungry, Bones?”

McCoy blinked. He crossed the room and sat down next to him. “What?”

“I mean, like, really hungry?” Jim glanced over, his expression carefully neutral.

“I…no. I don't guess I have.”

Jim looked back out at the dark sky. He sighed, running a hand through his golden hair. “I...I just want to get these people the help they need. I have to.”

“Sure,” Leonard said cautiously. “We'll be there in just a couple days.”

Jim's lips twitched. He got to his feet without looking at the CMO. “That's all it takes. Excuse me, Doctor McCoy, I have some paperwork to attend to.”

Leonard was too surprised by the abrupt dismissal to respond, and then he was alone on the observation deck with only the endlessness of space for company.

 

*

 

One and a half days later, they were orbiting Ajilon Prime. Kirk had pushed the ship and crew to their limits in order to make good time. Leonard imagined their brief stopover at the starbase had been the shortest on record.

He hadn't had another chance to speak to Jim since their cryptic conversation on the observation deck. Yeoman Ross had finally given birth to her twins and McCoy had been more than occupied making sure all three were healthy and comfortable.

When Nyota hailed him to the transporter room, it was the first Leonard had seen the captain in almost two days. Jim looked exhausted but uninjured, so McCoy didn't ask any questions. He strapped his tricorder to his belt and forced a sardonic grin, getting a thin smile in return.

“Everyone ready to beam down?” Kirk asked. The assembled party nodded. Along with the captain and McCoy, they were taking Spock and Sulu, the hope being that the latter might be able to use his botany knowledge to help the colonists plant some sandstorm-resistant produce. Two security officers joined them on the transporter pad and Jim gave Scotty the go-ahead.

Leonard closed his eyes, not wanting to see his molecules dissolving one by one. He felt his feet touch on the unfamiliar planet's surface and his stomach lurched. There was a gentle press of fingers on his wrist and Leonard opened his eyes to see Jim smiling at him. Still not full wattage, but genuine. He felt his expression soften and Jim's smile turned teasing.

“Okay, Bones?”

He huffed. “More or less.”

Jim's fingers wrapped around his wrist fully and squeezed once, and were gone. “Alright, people, let's do this.”

 

*

 

The next few hours passed in a blur of activity. Spock was overseeing cargo transport from the ship to the colony while Sulu was whisked off to consult with the farmers. 

Jim and Bones went directly to the colony. After a cursory meeting with the governor, they went looking for any colonists who might be in need of medical attention. The leaders of the colony had been quick in sending out the distress call, so McCoy found himself dealing with dehydration and fairly mild cases of malnutrition. It could've been much worse.

“They're going to recover just fine, Jim.” Leonard said quietly. 

Kirk nodded, but his eyes were far away. McCoy opened his mouth to ask the question that had been on his mind for the last two days, but before he could, there was a cry from ahead.

“Oh! Doctor! Doctor, please help!”

A Bolian woman was running towards them. The ridge bisecting her face was white against the blue of the rest of her skin--something akin to spots of color rising on a human face, McCoy guessed.

“What can I do for you ma'am? What's your name?” He asked, already following the woman back in the direction from whence she'd come. Jim was right behind him as she led them back to a humble little house on the edge of the colony.

“I am Eliandra, and I need your assistance. It is my son, he will not eat. He will not come out of his room. He is going to starve!” She made a distressed trilling noise and buried her face in her hands.

McCoy was nonplussed. “He won't eat? We brought plenty of food.”

The Bolian woman shook her head and gestured to the door at the back of the living area that presumably led to a bedroom. “I am hoping you can explain as a doctor why he must eat.” She rapped her knuckles against the door. “Arhdi, we have guests.”

There was a moment where nothing happened and then the door opened a crack. A small blue face appeared, forehead furrowed in suspicion. The boy couldn't have been more than twelve or thirteen, his skin waxy and sunken. Dehydrated as well as malnourished, then.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Doctor McCoy. I'm from Starfleet. We brought food for your colony.”

“What do you want?”

“Arhdi!” His mother exclaimed. “Do not be rude.”

“Well, Arhdi, we were hoping you'd come out and eat with us,” McCoy said, trying to keep his tone light. “You got your mama pretty worried about you.”

“I cannot, I--” the young Bolian cut off, glancing back into the room behind him. “I do not wish to come out. May I take food into my room?”

Leonard didn't even bother looking to the mother for permission. “Absolutely.” He stepped forward and offered the thermos he'd been carrying. Arhdi stepped one foot out of the room and snatched it and darted back behind the door. He unscrewed the lid and sniffed the contents cautiously.

“This is Bolian food,” he said, looking inexplicably disappointed.

“Yes?”

Arhdi’s face fell. He suddenly looked much older than thirteen. “No thank you.” He stuck his hand back out, trying to give the thermos back.

“This is what happens!” cried his mother, “He will take nothing I offer.”

“Arhdi,” Jim spoke up suddenly and Leonard jumped. He'd almost forgotten the captain was there. “Are you alone?”

Leonard turned to look at Jim, confused by the question, but he was focused on the child. Arhdi's demeanor changed instantly. He snarled like a feral dog, eyes darting between the two Starfleet officers. “You can't take them!”

Eliandra’s mouth dropped open in shock. “Who is in there, my son?”

“Shhh,” Jim said. “Bones, come away from the door.”

McCoy obeyed, still completely bewildered. As soon as he was out of the way, Jim was moving forward. Arhdi snarled again, his face ridge going completely white. Kirk held up his hands, palms out in surrender.

“Arhdi, my name is Jim. I just want to help.” Kirk put one hand into his pocket and pulled out an apple. “Do you know what this is?”

The young Bolian's eyes went wide. “Human food?”

“That's right. How many do you have in there?”

Eliandra opened her mouth like she might interrupt. Leonard wasn't exactly certain what was going on, but he had enough sense to know that it shouldn't be disturbed. He grabbed the woman's elbow and she quieted. Arhdi and Jim seemed to be coming to some sort of unspoken agreement. Finally, the Bolian broke the silence. “You won't take them?”

“You have my word.”

“Three.”

Jim reached into the old-fashioned rucksack he'd insisted on bringing and pulled out two more apples. “Perfect. Listen, Arhdi, I'm going to give you these apples, but you have to eat that soup, okay? And let Doctor McCoy take a look at you and your kids.”

Leonard raised his eyebrow at the phrase, but the Bolian seemed to understand perfectly. He nodded and opened the door all the way. Leonard could see into the room behind him, and sure enough, there they were. Three little human girls--triplets by the look of it--huddled together on the sleeping mat in the corner, blinking up at them with big brown eyes. They looked about six years old. Leonard immediately thought of the twins he'd just delivered onboard the ship and his stomach clenched.

“Hi there,” Jim said, his voice gentler than Leonard had ever heard it, “Can I come in?”

“Eliandra, do you know who those kids are?” McCoy asked in an undertone as Jim dropped to his knees on the mat with the children and started slicing the first apple. 

“They are the Taylor children,” she answered. “Their home was destroyed in the sandstorm. The officials found their parents’ bodies…but not the girls. Everyone believed that they too had perished.” She made a distressed noise and covered her mouth with both hands.

“Why would your son hide them?”

Eliandra winced, slowly lowering her hands. “There is not much interaction between Bolians and humans in the colony. When Arhdi's father was still alive, he often expressed displeasure at the idea of our son befriending human children.”

McCoy sighed. It was disheartening to know that even in the twenty-third century, bigotry was alive and well.

“I'd better give all four of them physicals,” he said, instead of telling her exactly what he thought of her late husband's attitude. “Do you know of anyone who might take the triplets in?”

“They will stay with us,” Eliandra said firmly. “I do not think that my son will want to be parted from them now.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Leonard saw Jim look up, a small relieved smile flitting across his face. He turned to get a better look, but the captain’s attention was already back on the children. He sliced the second apple, handing a couple pieces at a time to the girls. Arhdi was gulping down the thermos of Bolian soup next to them, but Jim tapped the bottom of the container to slow him down.

“Take it easy, kiddo. You'll be sick if you eat too fast.” He produced a small bottle of water from his bag. “Drink some of this, only little sips, okay?”

As if he could sense his CMO watching, Jim looked up, directly into Leonard's eyes. He grinned brightly, and if McCoy hadn't known him so well he might have missed the shadow that passed across his expression.

“How about a couple check-ups, Bones?”

 

*

 

They returned to the ship a few days later, weary but successful. The colony had enough food to supply them for the next two months until more could be sent. Sulu had even had some success with starter plants that would be more hardy during sandstorm season. McCoy had treated those who had gotten the worst of the brief famine and Spock had made sure all the fresh provisions were properly stored.

Jim, of course, had gone above and beyond as usual, delivering a passionate speech to the human and Bolian leaders of the colony, encouraging them to work together and forge a stronger community where both species not only tolerated, but appreciated one another. The Bolian teenager and three human children practically glued to the captain's side could've only helped his message. Leonard hoped they took it to heart.

McCoy gave a speech of his own to the away crew, in the transporter room once they arrived back on the Enterprise.

“You’re all on twelve hour medical leave and I don’t want to hear another word about it,” he snapped, fully expecting arguments from several different fronts. “We’ve all had a few very long days and everyone needs to rest.”

“Doctor,” Spock was the first to protest, though his even tone and placid expression belied his words. “I believe it is illogical for so many of the senior bridge crew to go on leave at the same time. I should return to the bridge for gamma shift.”

“Oh you think so, do you?” McCoy retorted, “You do realize that Lieutenant Uhura is still on the bridge?”

“Yes, but--”

“Maybe you’d prefer to be the one to tell her that she’s not competent enough to be the only senior crew member on the bridge, then?”

Spock’s ears turned green. “Perhaps it is more prudent to take leave as you recommended.”

“Almost three years in the black and he’s just now learned prudence in regards to women.” McCoy muttered.  When no more arguments were forthcoming, he looked up. “Where’s Jim?”

“Aye, the captain left while ye were doin’ that rantin’ thing ya do, doctor!” Scotty piped up from over by the control panel. 

“Of course he did.” Leonard grumbled. “The rest of you are dismissed. Go get some rest. Computer, locate Captain Kirk.” 

_ Captain Kirk is in his private quarters.   _ McCoy raised his eyebrows, surprised. Had Jim actually taken his instructions to heart for once in his high-strung life?

“Doctor McCoy, a word please.” Though everyone else had cleared out, Spock was still standing in the middle of the transporter room, arms clasped loosely behind his back. If Leonard hadn’t known better, he would’ve said the Vulcan looked ill at ease.

“What is it, Spock? I’m not going to shorten your leave, so don’t even try asking.”

“No, your assessment on that matter was correct,” answered the Science Officer, shocking McCoy into silence. “This is a...personal issue.”

Leonard cocked his head, wary. “What’s on your mind?”

“I am worried about Jim,” Spock said plainly. “He was not himself during this particular mission.”

“You noticed too, huh?” Leonard said, shoulders sagging. “I dunno what’s wrong, I can’t get him to spit it out.”

“Perhaps now that we are removed from the situation, he would feel freer to discuss whatever is bothering him,” Spock suggested. “I know you do not generally appreciate the input of others, particularly in your personal life, but I believe you should speak to him.” 

McCoy gave him an assessing look. “You noticed he was feeling off too,” he pointed out, “Why don’t  _ you _ talk to him?”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Doctor, while my regard for the captain is very high and I believe that he also considers me his friend, everyone aboard this vessel knows that it is you who are the most important person in Jim’s life.”

Leonard felt his face flush scarlet. Leave it to the damn Vulcan to just say something like that so matter-of-factly.  “That’s. I--you can’t just…”

“Leonard,” Spock said and his protests died on his lips. “Please. Just speak to the captain. He needs you right now.”

McCoy scrubbed a hand over his face. He was tired and hungry, and in desperate need of a shower, but the pointy-eared bastard was right. “I’ll talk to him.” 

Spock’s lip curved slightly into what might have been an appreciative smile. “Thank you, Doctor.” He tipped his head and turned and walked out of the transporter room, leaving Leonard alone with his thoughts. 

 

*

 

Jim's quarters might as well have been an impregnable fortress from the way Leonard felt as he stared at the door. He wasn't sure what his issue was; he was always the person Jim talked to when something was bothering him. McCoy knew he wasn't exactly the most empathetic guy, but he also knew that if he didn't listen, the stubborn ass wouldn't talk to anyone else. For whatever reason, Jim seemed to trust him with his feelings and it meant a lot to Leonard, even if he would never admit it aloud. Nonetheless, he couldn't shake the feeling that the impending conversion was gonna go to hell in a handbasket. Trying to shake off his trepidation, he stepped forward and pressed the buzzer.

There was no response. McCoy scowled and banged on the door, open-palmed. “Jim!”

Still, the door didn't open. For a moment, Leonard considered just leaving well enough alone, going back to his quarters and getting the rest he so desperately needed. He only got three steps down the hallways before he stopped. He couldn't shake the memory of Jim on his knees surrounded by starving children, with that flat, haunted look in his eyes.

“Goddamnit,” he grumbled, turning back to the door and punching in his medical override code. It swished open and Leonard slipped inside. It shut behind him and threw the room into complete darkness. “Lights, thirty percent.”

The lights came up and McCoy squinted around the dim room. Jim was nowhere to be seen. Before he could get worked into a lather, Leonard heard retching from the bathroom. He crossed the room quietly and tapped on the bathroom door. The noise stopped instantly. “Bones?” Jim croaked.

“Yeah, Jimmy, it's me. Can you let me in?”

There was a long enough silence that McCoy started to wonder if he was going to have to play the CMO card twice in one night, and then the door slid open.

Jim was sitting on the floor next to the toilet, knees drawn up to his chest. He was pale and clammy, his hair damp and curling with sweat. As McCoy stepped into the room, another wave of nausea seemed to hit him and he scrambled to his knees, hunching over the bowl as he was sick again.

“Dammit, Jim, did you pick up a bug down there and not tell me?” McCoy demanded, pulling out his tricorder. He tried to scan the captain, but Jim batted him weakly away.

“Not a bug,” he rasped, dropping back against the wall next to the toilet. “Ate too much.”

McCoy scoffed. “Jim, you barely sat down, I know you didn't have time to eat that much.” Now that he was thinking about it, Leonard couldn't remember seeing the captain eat anything _at_ _all_ during their time on Ajilon Prime. He seemed to have an endless supply of apples and protein bars in his bag, but he hadn't bothered to save any of it for himself.

“Not on the planet,” Jim corrected, his voice just above a whisper, “Just now.”

“We've only been back on the ship half an hour!” Leonard snapped and immediately regretted it when a pink flush started to creep over Jim's neck and face. He wasn't drawn to it the way he usually was, too preoccupied with the sinking sense of dread in his stomach. Slowly, he lowered himself to the floor next to the captain.

“Jim, what's going on with you?” he asked, striving to keep his voice level. “You haven't been yourself since we got here, and now you're binge-eating?”

Jim flinched. “Don't worry about it, Bones,” he said with an utterly unconvincing smile, “I just forgot to eat down there and then I ate too fast when we came back.”

“Bullshit. Ever since we got the transmission, you've been cryptic and withdrawn and you expect me to believe this doesn't have anything to do with it?”

Jim pulled his knees back up to his chest and shrugged, sullen. “Believe what you want, I don't care.”

Leonard recognized a dead end when he saw one. “Okay, fine. Let's talk about those kids, then.”

“What about them?” Kirk asked, eyeing him with open suspicion over the top of his knees. Leonard was surprised to find how much it hurt. He knew Jim had walls, but he'd never been shut out like this before. Even at the Academy when every girl he'd bedded couldn't get him to open up, Leonard was the one he trusted with his secrets. He knew about that abusive bastard Frank and how Jim felt about being a legacy. He knew about the complicated relationship Kirk had with his mother. Realizing that there was more that Jim hadn't confided in him was like a gut punch.

“How'd you know Arhdi was hidin’ those girls?” he asked, rather than dwelling on it.

“He wouldn't take Bolian food,” Jim said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Means there had to be a human kid nearby.”

McCoy shook his head.  _ How would that be anyone’s first assumption? _ He couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t upset Jim, so he just gave his friend a weak sort of smile. “You were awful good with 'em. They were stickin’ to you like ticks on a coon dog.” 

A ghost of a grin passed over Jim’s face. “I used to hang out with some kids that were littler than me. You just have to not talk down to them and they’ll like you.”

“I doubt that,” Leonard said grumpily. He always seemed to scare children more than endear himself to them. That hadn't been about different on Ajilon Prime than anywhere else.

“Well, the other trick is not wielding hypos like weapons at them,” Jim pointed out. 

“Vaccinations are essential to pediatric health, especially in space!” McCoy exploded. “And I’ve never met a child that was worse about getting hypos than you, anyways.” 

Jim gave him a fake wounded look, but Leonard was not impressed. The tension seemed to have dissipated somewhat in the wake of their usual bickering, but Jim’s smile still didn't reach his eyes. Leonard decided to let it go for now. Jim would come to him with whatever it was when he was ready. He always did.

“Alright, kid, let's get you off this floor. I don't even want to know when it was last cleaned.”

Jim’s big blue eyes widened, his lip jutting out in a pout. “You know they're self-cleaning, Bones!”

“Yeah, but I also know you,” muttered the doctor, hauling his friend to his feet. “You have a remarkable ability to make a mess of everything you touch.” _Myself_ _included_.

“Harsh.” 

“I'm a doctor, not a camp counselor,” McCoy replied as he dragged Jim out of the bathroom and dumped him on the bed. “They don't pay me to be nice. Stay there,” he added as Jim reflexively popped up from the mattress.

“Where are you going?” He complained, but sat back down. Leonard was already halfway back with a glass of water and a bowl of chicken broth from the replicator. He handed them to Jim and crossed his arms over his chest.

“No solids for the next twelve hours. I don't need you getting sick.” He charitably didn't mention skipped meals or the binging and Jim shot him a grateful look. 

McCoy watched in silence as Jim sipped tentatively at the broth until the bowl was almost empty. He sat it down on the bedside table, then took a small drink of the water before setting it aside too. He never once looked up at Leonard, so it startled the doctor when he suddenly started speaking.

“You remember the question I asked you the night we got this assignment?”

Leonard didn't even have to ask what he meant. The strange conversation was etched in his memory. _Have you ever been hungry, Bones? I mean, like, really_ _hungry?_

He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. What about it?”

Jim glanced up at him, blue eyes piercing. For a second it looked like he was going to answer, but then he suddenly changed the subject.

“Did you take Recent Federation History and Current Events at the Academy?”

“Of course I did, Jim, it was a required prereq. What does that have to do with anything?”

“What do you remember about the section on...Tarsus IV?”

Leonard blinked at the unexpected question. He didn't have to remember the lessons about Tarsus because it was  _ very _ recent history. McCoy had been nineteen years old, pre-med at Ole Miss when the reports started pouring in. Four thousand dead, countless others half-starved in the worst genocide since the twentieth century. He remembered the nausea and horror he’d felt as images of a decimated colony flashed across the holovid screens in the campus commons. 

Jim still wasn't looking at him and the pieces of the puzzle Kirk had given him over the years started to come together. The strange behavior of the last couple days, the unexplained gap in his medical records, the rucksack full of protein bars that Jim had on hand as long as McCoy had known him, his absolute refusal to leave leftovers on a plate… Dread mounting, Leonard sank down on the bed next to him. “Jim…” he choked out, unsure if he wanted to hear his fears confirmed.

“I was there.” Three words and Leonard felt his heart breaking. Jim looked up at him with a humorless smile. “I've really got a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, huh?”

“Oh no, Jimmy, you--” 

Jim kept talking, likely because if he stopped he wouldn't be able to continue. “Frank sent me. The car was the last straw. Sam had already gone by then and mom…well, she didn't wanna come back from space. My aunt and uncle lived on the colony. I guess it probably seemed like the perfect solution to everyone's problems.” 

“You're not a  _ problem,  _ Jim.” Leonard said gently. 

Jim didn't even seem to hear him. “The first few months were great, y’know? My aunt and uncle were pretty cool people, and it was my first time off-planet…” his voice wavered. “We didn't even know there was an issue with the food supply, at first. Not until the original governor disappeared and...Kodos took over.”

Leonard remembered when Jim had compared Khan to Kodos years before, when he hadn't known Jim's history. How could he have gone so long without knowing? What kind of friend was he that he could miss something so huge?

“I don't know which list I was on,” Jim continued. “He killed all the adults first. Everyone sixteen and up that he had decided wasn't  _ valuable _ enough to keep living. My aunt and uncle were in that group. We knew what was going on by then, but his guards were policing the streets overnight to keep anyone from running before the got rid of the kids they'd chosen the next day.”

Leonard wanted to close his eyes and pretend this wasn't happening, but Jim needed to get this out. It seemed like he'd never told anyone this before. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Leonard forced himself to keep his eyes on Jim as he told the story.

“I didn't really want to wait around and find out if I was gonna live or die, so I decided to make a break for it.”

Leonard smiled despite himself. That sounded like Jim, alright.

“I gathered up twenty-two kids to take with me. It was really hard to be covert with that many people. Two didn't make it. The guards shot them in the backs as we were climbing the fence.” Jim stopped abruptly, dropping his head into his hands.

“Oh, Jim.” Leonard put a hand lightly on his shoulder. “It's not your fault.”

Jim laughed, but there was no joy in it. “Eleven others starved to death before Starfleet finally showed up. I buried seven of them outside the cave we were hiding in, but the other four died after I got caught sneaking back into the colony to steal food. I don't know if any of the others were strong enough to give them a proper burial.”

“What'd they do to you when they caught you?” McCoy heard himself ask, even though he was pretty sure he didn't want to know.

“Kodos didn't want to kill me right off because he was hoping to find the other kids. He wanted me to tell him where they were. At first he played nice, but when I made it clear I wasn't gonna tell him anything…” Jim shrugged, “He got less nice.”

There were scars, McCoy remembered, criss-crossing Jim’s back and arms. Kirk had never been willing to explain why he had them when the tech existed to heal wounds like that without leaving marks. “He tortured you. My god, over a bunch of kids?”

“He was committed to his insane ideas, I guess.” Jim dropped his gaze to his hands on his lap. “I don't really know what happened next. One night they left me in my cell, beat all to shit and the next morning Lieutenant Commander Pike carried me out.”

McCoy started. “Pike was with the rescue crew?”

“He was First Officer on one of the ships that received the distress call. He's the one that found me and told me that Kodos was dead. They took me back to the ship, but I was kind of out of it from not eating or sleeping and I was worried about the others. I bit the CMO.”

“Doctor Puri?” asked Leonard, remembering the Enterprise's short-lived chief medical officer.”

Kirk nodded. “He was really nice about it. Chris took me back planetside and I led them to where my kids were. There were only eight left.”

_ Let Doctor McCoy take a look at you and your kids.  _ “Hang on, eight? Plus you. Jim, you're one of the Tarsus nine!”

Jim frowned. “Yeah, outrageous fortunes, huh? Tarsus nine, Kelvin baby?" He snorted. "Lucky me.”

Leonard scrubbed a hand over his face and it came away wet. “Jim,” he said hoarsely, “Have you kept this to yourself all these years? Why didn't you tell someone?” 

“Starfleet thought it best if the nine of us who could identify Kodos were kept out of the public eye,” Jim explained bitterly. “The stuff that happened on Tarsus was way worse than the reports made it sound. We were...strongly encouraged to keep our mouths shut. I haven't seen any of the others since we were rescued. I know at least one of them also went into Starfleet, but we didn’t really cross paths. He died on the  _ Farragut _ .”

“That's awful. Them makin’ you keep a secret like that.”

Jim shrugged again. “I didn't really feel like talking about it anyway.”

There was a pause as McCoy tried to digest that. “What'd you tell me for, then?”

Jim lifted his blue eyes to Leonard's face. He stared at him for so long that he started to feel self-conscious. “You know, you never treated me differently because of the  _ Kelvin _ ? Everyone else at the Academy stared and whispered when they thought I wasn't looking. But not you.”

Leonard scowled, uncomfortable with the fondness in Kirk’s expression. “You've always been just Jim to me.”

“Yeah.” Jim paused, eyes searching the doctor's face. When he spoke again, his voice was so soft that McCoy had to lean close to hear him. “You…you're not gonna treat me different now that you know about Tarsus, right?”

Leonard curled his hands into fists to keep from reaching out. “Oh Jimmy, I'm always gonna see you for exactly who you are, you know that. You damn fool.” 

Jim blinked fast a couple times and gave him a watery smile. “Thanks, Bones.”

There was a lot more that Leonard wanted to say, but Jim had never been the type to accept pity. He just hoped that his friend would open up to him about it again, if he needed to.

“Hey, Bones?”

Leonard looked up at the change in Jim's tone and jumped when he realized the captain was only a few inches away. Then he leaned even  _ closer _ . “Jim…?”

“Listen, I--”

_ “Bridge to Captain Kirk, do you read?”  _ Uhura’s voice crackled suddenly from the intercom and the two men sprang apart. Leonard hadn't even realized how close they'd been. His heart was pounding like he'd run a marathon. Jim looked similarly ruffled.

“I read you, Lieutenant. What do you need?”

_ “I know that Doctor McCoy put the entire landing party on leave, himself included, but Nurse Chapel hailed the bridge looking for him. I guess there was a pretty big accident down in engineering and Medbay needs all hands on deck. I hailed the CMO quarters but he's not there. Is he with you?” _

“I am, Lieutenant. Please let Christine know I'm on my way.” McCoy spoke up.

_ “Acknowledged.” _

Leonard looked helplessly back at Jim. “I gotta…”

“Yeah, of course, go.” Kirk said, too quickly.

“You wanted to say something?” Leonard pressed, but Jim just shook his head.

“Nah, don't worry about it Bones,” he dismissed. “Go save lives, I'll talk to you later.”

Leonard felt inexplicably disappointed, but he nodded and got to his feet. “Get some sleep, Jim. And no solids until tomorrow.”

“Got it.”

McCoy could feel Kirk's eyes on him all the way out the door. He turned back at the last moment to see the captain sitting with his head in his hands again before the door slid shut and he was alone.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot longer writing process compared to the others in the series because I really wanted to do the Tarsus IV story right. "Conscience of the King" is on of my favorite TOS episodes and I would love to see it addressed in the alternate series. I hope I did it justice.


End file.
